Welcome to our journey of love, living in the face of loss and just plain living. We've experienced the greatest loss a parent can face--the loss our our baby daughter, Sylvia. She flew to Heaven due to complications of congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH) on 2/26/09. We have two "Earth Angel" children, Will and Stella. They have been a great help on this journey. We live a blessed rich life in spite of our loss. We are lucky to be parents to such special children. They are our life. Welcome to our life!

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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

What a year!

It has been nearly a year since I've blogged--so long that it took me awhile to remember what the blog was called! I kept typing thehouselogfamily rather than houselogfamily. lol! So much has happened since I last blogged. Stella turned one shortly after that post. She will turn two (going on 16) this Feb. Sylvia flies around us always. Will turned 5. He's in 4-year-old preschool. That means preschool each morning. He goes to aftercare daycare right at the school following preschool. He enjoys it. I ran my first 5K last April with my good friends Val, Kate and Amber. I wore my Sylvi's Soldiers shirt. I'm certain I spread a little awareness as I memorized the shirt of the person running in front of me!

Those are just a few tidbits over the last year. Then I felt like my world come crashing down in November. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. My thyroid was removed on Dec. 16. The pathology report shows the cancer is gone! Yippee! This is exactly what my docs said would happen, but when I heard the word cancer, I couldn't help but internalize that as "death." Thus far I haven't had any ill effects other than a little neck pain and tiredness at night. When the thyroid hormone is starved out of my body, I'll probably feel worse. I've had wonderful support. I need to put a big shout out to my mom as she stayed to help me for a week following surgery. Reminded me of when I have babies--how she stays and spoils me for a week. Having a baby is way more fun than getting rid of a thyroid. lol! I am humbled by the supportive gestures--meals brought, flowers sent, childcare offered, rides offered and more. Today a dear friend of mine presented me with a gift--one of those Pandora bracelets with a guardian angel on it. I cherish it. I cherish the three that gave it to me.

My guardian angel has been on my mind a lot lately. Sylvia was the reason I began this blog. She is the air I breathe. As long as I'm alive, she will live through me. As long as I'm living, she will be remembered. As long as I'm living, she will be loved. She is as much a part of me as Will and Stella. I often wonder about her. A medium told me twice that I got my baby back in the form of Stella. While I'm not sure about that, the similarities in the girls' appearance was apparent dating all the way back to Stel's ultrasound. I think Sylvia lives on in Stella in the same way that I have bits of Lynda and Julie in me. My girls both love drama, that is for sure. Sylvia's pregnancy and entrance into the world as well as her 5 hours of life were dramatic. Stella creates drama each day and we love it. We wish we had the chance to see our dramatic duo play together. I love Sylvi so much. Her loss still stings. It brings me to a hault sometimes. I think about her so often. The tears are less, but the longing for her will always be there. During the holidays and all the time really, I miss the child that should be here. I don't let it steal the momemt of joy (or whatever emotion). It is unseen by others, but very visible to me. Andy feels the same. I made a vow long ago to Andy, Will, Stella and myself to not let the anguish of the loss of Sylvia be the characteristic that defines me. Rather, let it be the gratitude and distinct honor of being chosen to mother an angel that soars above all else. I'm still a regular at SHARE group though I missed December's meeting. It helps me to help others along this path.

Well, that's a little about us. I must say I'm enjoying this time off even if it is for recovery from surgery. It's a nice time to be off. I'm getting lots of quality time with the kids which I adore. I am convinced those kids are the reason I was born. They are such a joy! Andy and I have talked about traveling over this break also. Disney World is on the table for 2012! On that note, I'm gonna end this entry. Happy Holidays everyone!


  1. I am so happy to hear that you are recovering well from surgery and enjoying quality time with the family. Wishing you a healthy and happy new year!
    Love, Colleen

  2. While straightening out a dresser drawer this AM I ran across a copy of your 2009 Mother's Day post in Sylvia's Updates. Upon rereading it it again brought a flood of tears. Beth, you are such a wonderful, special person. Yes, because of Sylvia you are "different" but you are so full of love and caring and now blessed with Andy, Will & Stella, and such a great ability to compose. We love you,
    Mom & Dad

  3. Hi,

    I have a quick question about your blog, would you mind emailing me when you get a chance?