International Babylost Mother's Day

Today was a first all over the world. Carly over at namesinthesand.blogspot.com came up with the idea for all of us "babylost" moms or as I prefer to call us "baby angel mamas or angel baby mamas" to come together to celebrate our heavenly children with each other. She left it to us to put things together in our area. So I organized a breakfast for today. We met at Caroline's for breakfast. It was a small crowd--only 3, but it was so nice. Nice to be able to talk about our angels. There aren't many that I feel comfortable sharing Sylvia with. She is my most guarded possession. I do not share her freely. I'll share every detail with my SHARE moms though! At SHARE group, I feel so at ease talking about her. People don't look at me like I should be "over" her. People there have all worn these big heavy shoes that are almost to big to take even one step in some days. People there understand like no one else can. So we had a nice breakfast and chatted. With women, there is never a lack of conversation:) Then two of us went to the cemetery to visit our girls. Andy planted a magnolia tree in memory of Sylvia there. I checked that out and stopped at Sylvia's spot for a long time. No tears while at the cemetery today, but just because my eyes aren't crying doesn't mean my heart isn't. My heart bleeds for Sylvia. It always will. I don't want to sound like Debbie Downer here so I'm going to continue looking back on all the positives of the day. I still don't understand why Sylvia isn't here with us. I don't understand why that was ever "allowed" by God. The angel mama that went to the cemetery with me and myself had this very discussion. We will never understand why our angels were taken from us. And they were taken. There is a bigger hand that could have reached down to save them, but didn't. Why? (I'm not really looking for an answer here because I know there isn't one. I really don't even think I'll get that answer in a form I will understand anyhow when I get to heaven.) We talked about how going through this loss of our babies has made us stronger and how we are better for having these angels in our lives. She told me she thinks that part of my lesson must be about helping the bereaved parents in the area. I agree. However, had Sylvia lived, I would have been going door-to-door preaching about CDH and how we need to find an end to it--how the research WORKS because it saved my daughter! However, I cannot do that because she is not here. We have defintely tried to raise awareness about CDH, but I do think a passion of mine at this moment is to help others get through this awful journey. I hope that when they see me, they see hope. That is what I'm striving for. Well I'm getting tired. It's been a long couple days with lots of travel and little sleep. To pump then to bed!