Six months

Tomorrow marks the anniversary of what should be Sylvia's six month birthday. I am sad. Six months is my favorite baby age. They are really coming into their own at that age. They laugh, crawl (or try), have teeth, eat bits of real food. I should be enjoying all of this with Sylvia. Tonight as we were eating, Andy mentioned that he and Will would go see Sylvi tomorrow as it is her six month birthday. I got teary because I didn't even think of that. I thought "What kind of mother am I?" I have to work late tomorrow night so I'll visit Sylvia sometime during the day. So, after supper, Will and I retired to the basement to chill. I hopped on facebook to find Andy's cousin had her ultrasound today. I even hounded her for the gender. When she told me, I was so excited for them. What I was even more excited about is that their baby is HEALTHY! I felt relieved, that "ahhhh" feeling. I actually screamed when she told me the sex. (It's a boy.) What is funny is that if ours is a boy, the names will be similar. Well, maybe not "similar," but they'll start with the same letter at least. And their middle name is our first name! Funny! This coincidence makes me again feel this may be a boy I'm carrying. Then, while I was chatting with her, I got a phone call. I'm thinking it is my number one (and practically only) phone fan, mom. It was Betty, the leader of the SHARE group. She asked me to be a speaker at the October memorial service. What an honor. I am so honored to be asked, but unfortunately can't do it. She said so many lovely things about me. Funny how others view you so differently than one views themself. I still carry that "failed" feeling when I think of Sylvia sometimes, but I do try to live my life the best I know how. I have a prior committment for that day. Plus, I'm ready for a little break from memorial services. I found the one in Iowa City utterly draining. It was nice and well-planned, but I was exhausted after it. On the way home from work today, I heard my new favorite song "She is Love" by Parachute. I cried a little. A preminition of a healthy delivery came to mind and the absolute joy I will feel--so joyful I'll bawl and bawl and bawl, I'm sure. My tears will be so different this time though. Instead of sad, they'll be happy. I have to believe this. I think it is the only way I'll get through this forever-long pregnancy. Although, as an Activity Director planning things months and months out, the time really does fly. I wish it would stop in regards to Will right now. He is just so stinkin' cute! He takes everyting in. Today he saw a commercial for Tinkerbell and her castle house or something like that. He looked at me and said "Oh, that looks like fun." It was one of those moments my heart took a picture. Today I was also officially asked to be a member of a vision committee at our church. The vision is basically to build/create a space that is family-friendly, ie. cry room, space for Sunday school, conference room(s),etc. I accepted the invitation as it is a relatively small time committment as far as volunteer work goes--one meeting a month. We also received a nice card from our priest today. He included a prayer for the death of a child as well as a prayer for expectant mothers. That was nice of him. That card resolved some things for me. Well, I'm going to bring this to a close. Time to draw on the Magna-Doodle with the WILL-I-AM! He thinks I draw the BEST trucks!