#3

...is on its way. We are expecting our baby #3 around March 1, 2010. Yes, this means we will have Irish twins--one of heaven and one of Earth or so we pray. While we didn't plan on a pregnancy this soon, it was a blessing from above that I am sure Sylvia had a hand in. I think that she didn't want us to spend February 26 without a baby in our arms. I think this child is a gift from God of course but also from Sylvia.
Who was the first to know? Andy of course! I then felt an obligation to tell a couple moms who have been through my exact situation. They are Maxton's mommy (Ashley) and Addison's mommy (Marion) who lost their babies to CDH in March. This was the first child for them both. I don't know how I would have gotten through this without Will so I cannot imagine being completely without earthly children. You two are my definitions of strength. Both of them have done so much for the CDH community too. They are my inspirations. I e-mailed them to tell them the news. I can't explain the connection I feel to these to women though we have never even met. I've also found a couple more CDH angel moms in searching different blogs.
How did we tell others? A variety of ways really. Andy preferred phone/telling in person and I preferred writing it down. I have a hard time saying the words for some reason. I didn't know if I wanted to see some reactions. Maybe people would place judgment upon me with their eyes? I don't know. Maybe they think it is too soon? Maybe they think I want to replace Sylvia? Well, that thought is just plain stupid! Sylvia is a one and only. I would never expect another baby to heal the void I have for her nor would I want it to. Maybe if I were nuts, that would be a thought in my head, but I truly think I'm about as balanced of a person that there is. If I do say so myself, I've handled these lemons I've been given with grace. I think two of the lessons I'm supposed to learn in all this are 1.) Don't care so much about what others think. Live your life the best you know how and that's that. If you do that,really, who cares what others think? 2.) You cannot plan your entire life out. I've had 2 complete surprises in my life thus far--losing Sylvia and this pregnancy. God is the true One at the helm not me.
How do we feel about it? Well, after the initial shock, we feel truly blessed. This baby is helping to bring us hope and happiness again. Happiness is not a word I use lightly anymore and not a word I've used in a long time. It is helping to turn some of this awful grief to grace and peace.
Tomorrow we are going to make our announcement to work. It was Andy's brilliant idea to make about 90 cupcakes to split between our work. He thinks it is fun, but I have a feeling I'll be doing the not so fun part of frosting the cupcakes!
In closing, I ask you to start the prayers now for a healthy child to be born to us and a long life upon this child. I could not withstand losing another child before it is my time to fly off to heaven. I've been praying to God and Sylvia quite a bit as well as Mary and St. Gerard. There is a beautiful prayer for pregnancy to St. Gerard I say daily. I do feel hope this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Sylvia, I had a fear of some impending doom from early on--way before I knew there was anything wrong. I don't have that feeling this time. Or, perhaps I don't have that feeling because I've lived through hell and there is nothing worse that can ever happen to me. I fear pretty much nothing these days except for something happening to Will or Andy. Oh, please check out the last posting I made on LEAVING A COMMENT. I've changed some things. It is super easy to leave an anonymous note (you don't have to register to the site then), just remember to sign your name before you post it.
In love and prayers,
Beth