Went to Whittemore and wedding

This weekend we traveled to my parents' farm. Was so nice to be home. Nice to be in the middle of nowhere able to watch Will run for acres (literally). Nice to just sit outside and breathe in and out. Nice to hear the windchimes of Sylvia's garden and know she is with us. Nice to have some of mom's chocoloate chip cookies.
We went to my cousin's wedding. Prior to the ceremony, my mom pointed out the back page of the program to me. There it was in print..."Sylvia Houselog." She was remembered as one of the special people the couple loved but lost. I was touched to tears by this act of kindness. To know that even extended family members that never knew or saw Sylvia loved and missed her made me feel that she and myself are loved. Thank you for that, Brad and Terese. Thank you for remembering my baby. I wish I could have showed her off at your wedding. I think her and Shayla would have been buds like hopefully Macy and Will will be. I hate that Sylvia will never get to twirl in a dress. Little girls are at their cutest when they spin and twirl.
Today when I went to see her, I took her a little gift. As I wrote about before, I made some informational packets up for the birthing units in Dubuque for parents who lose their babies. They are called "The Song of Sylvia." In each packet is a heart and angel charm to represent that our angels have a piece of our heart and we have our angels. I took my necklace off and tried to get the angel charm on it while standing at her grave, but the charm's loop was way too small for my chain. I left the heart charm with her. I have the angel charm in my purse so I will see it often. I always tell her how much I wish she were here with me. I will always feel that way and if that is something I'm supposed to get over and just be at peace with her being in Heaven, that's a bunch of B.S. I do wish she were here and always will. She's my baby girl for heaven's sakes!
Speaking of babies, something in me tells me this new baby is a boy. I really don't care what the gender is, just that it is health far outliving both of its parents. I wish the same for Will. I fear so much losing him or any more children. Lord, I'm telling you now, I believe I've taken a lot on my plate. If you give me any more, say, the loss of another child, the plate will break. I will break. Please save me from this in some miraculous way if you see it in my future. I've lost enough--more than any parent should ever have to lose.
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