Mums from Mummy

Tonight I planted some mums in Sylvia's garden. The windchimes were a clangin' and I know she was there talking to me. I told her I was planting special mums from her "mummy." Andy sat on the bench in the garden and said, "We hear you talking to us, Sylvi." It is so therapeutic to dig into the ground and feel the Earth. However, I'll always wish I had her rather than that garden. We're under a freezing advisory for tonight. It will probably get down to 33 degrees. I covered all the flowers I want to save in case it drops to 32--didn't want to chance it.
Also tonight I opened an envelope from the University of Iowa Hospital to "The Family of Sylvia Houselog." I realized that is the only place we'll probably ever get that title from--no school notes, no consents to sign, no graduations--ever. That makes me sad. The piece of mail was an invitation to a grief support retreat. I don't think we're going. Sometimes going to things like that make me forget that simply having her in my life is a reason to smile. I think that I would feel like crying nonstop instead if I attended.
On a happier note, Will is sitting right next to me typing on his toy computer AND doing flashcards. He loves to learn! That is great! He just asked me what a letter was. It was a "Q" Under it is written "Queen." My boys make me feel like the queen of this house every day. I love them so much. I wish I had my princess with me. I know both of them would make her feel like a princess all the time! Maybe I have another on the way, but I'll always fill a void for the first princess I had.
I hope all is well with all of you there in cyberland! I enjoy seeing new followers and comments. I've especially found it touching to connect with other baby angel moms. You guys have helped me so much. I follow your blogs also. Your words touch me like nobody else's can. Thank you for understanding although I wish you didn't have to.
Much love,
Beth